Respect, Culture, Black Parenting
Growing up in the West Indian/Caribbean culture a lot of emphasis was put on “respect” and the terminology always seemed strange in regard to the placement of the concept in the context of the conversation . I would tell others that my family is ‘strict’ but I grew to understand that was the wrong choice of word. “Respect” brings me back to many moments as a child feeling torn between articulating with good intention and having all things vocalized be misconstrued.
No one wants to be a child that disobeys — the guilt associated with you being labeled as a disrespectful child is equivalent to your soul escaping. Whether it was intentional or not — I grew to learn strictness was indeed manipulation and I suffered for it — through other relationships outside my family. Being apologetic was forceful and awkward but mostly confusing . At times I found myself uncertain of my position feeling most times undeserving of respect myself. We were molded into being able to compartmentalize “Don’t speak to me like that” into staying calm and listening while feeling misunderstood and defeated. While the areas on contention between elders and youth continue to fester — they were less reluctant on trying different approaches. It became an inside joke that traveled intergenerationally within us and now is a ‘thing’ my culture does that I vow not to do with my children. This sort of communication isn’t much of that at all.
One never develops their sense to self, potential or esteem to defend your claims when you aren’t given a safe place to express feelings and emotions because you are seen as an inadequate source of information. We need to teach Black parents how to work on meeting children where they are and laying the foundation of relationships they will cultivate outside of your home. Observe and reflect on how you can get to the root of the friction.
Culture serves its purpose for a lot of things in regard to raising children but sometimes these deep embedded coping mechanisms that were utilized throughout cultures no longer pertains to the type of children we have today . We need to be flexible as parents and open to the idea of new approaches because every day our experiences as Black individuals shape us as we continue to evolve into the best versions of ourselves. Respect is paramount ; the wisdom gained through experience is top tier, but our children need us to be teachers and one cannot teach without communication and listening skills.
